What if my child has difficulty saying good-bye when I leave him?

Many children, especially those three years old and under, have

a difficult time leaving their parents. Your child may want to say 

good-bye several times, or she may cry. Don’t threaten her or say, 

“Be good and stop crying,” or “Be a big girl.” She needs support, 

not pressure. You might be able to eliminate some of her anxiety 

by letting her bring along a favorite toy or blanket. Try arriving at 

school fifteen minutes early so you can spend more time with her 

before you go. Or give her a special little treat when she gets in the 

car, or a “love” note or picture to carry into school with her.

You should not try to sneak out of the school without saying 

good-bye, even if you think such an action might keep your child 

from crying. Eventually she’ll notice you’re gone and may become 

frightened and upset. Although it’s painful to see your child cry as 

you go, you should still say good-bye to her. You might feel better 

if you wait outside the classroom door, listening for a few minutes 

until she’s calmed down. 

As time goes by, she may continue to have trouble leaving you at 

the school door. Children two years old and younger don’t understand 

that you’ll return, no matter how often you tell them. This 

may make them anxious in the morning, and off and on throughout 

the day. Consult with your child’s teachers. They may be able to 

help by giving your child extra comfort and reassurance and getting 

her involved in activities. 

Will I see changes in my child’s behavior when he 

goes to school or day care? 

It might take your child a few weeks to adjust to school or day 

care, and during that time you may see some changes in behavior, 

such as bed-wetting, nightmares, decreased appetite, more frequent 

whining, and reluctance to go to school. Getting used to a program 

is more difficult for some children than others, but most children are 

affected in some way during the early days of a new situation. You’ll 

have to be patient and understanding as your child adjusts. 

If, after several weeks, she’s still showing behavioral changes 

and seems unhappy, talk to her teachers, and stay to observe the 

program. You might even drop in unexpectedly to see how she 

is and to try to find out why she isn’t enjoying herself. As you 

watch her, ask yourself the following questions: Does she seem to 

have friends she enjoys? Is she one of the youngest children in the 

group? (If she is, she may feel less confident and accepted.) Is she 

getting enough attention from her teachers? If the program seems 

inappropriate, take her out and find a better one. But if you’re 

unsure, wait a bit before making your decision. Your child just 

might need an extra amount of understanding and time to adjust 

to day care or school.